What's so special about the family ?

I recently talked to a lady who held that practically everything that I listed in my (random) 10 reasons for polygyny could very well be done in a monogamous marriage or even without being married since some social group or another was just as good in taking care of the elderly, supporting you in your home schooling efforts, etc., as long as people chose to treat each other with love and respect. I disagree. Here is what I think is so special about the family:

Our approach to the family is purely biblical. The vision of the family that we have is multi-generational, and that does not only mean that many generations live under one roof, but that the vision is meant to sustain the family for hundreds of years, a vision for our children's children's children, and their great grand-children, too. Think of the promise given to Abraham, and whom it concerned.

The family is the place where all social responsibility used to be placed - care for the young as well as the old, education, work, etc. etc. etc.. This is an ideal we are restoring: We are building a
household. No other group of people, whether they are bound together by ideology, common interests, creed, race, vicinity (like a neighborhood), common fate, employment, etc. has ever been or will ever be able to substitute the family adequately. Groups like this as well as the state institutions that have taken over the responsibilities of the family (like schools, nursing homes, etc.) are weak, inadequate, mediocre, and short lived.

The family is more than just a group of individuals that happens to live under one roof for a time.

A Well-Oiled Machine

When people consider the large, multi generational and polygynous family, of course many wonder about how sharing the work day may look like practically speaking, with so many adults around who are all able and willing to participate in the work that needs done.

Well, I guess I already used the most important word that keeps the running of the household smooth and peaceful - participate. In a large family like this, it is unhelpful if everybody wishes to run the show, yet, it is equally unhelpful if one person has to micromanage everything that is done. So what is needed is a spirit of participation, where everybody takes responsibility for his and her particular area of work that he or she is busy with this week, this month, or this season.

If I am responsible for cooking the meals this week, for example, I will compile the week's menu, compose the grocery list with everything needed, and prepare the meals as I see fit to offer my family both healthy and tasty food. Next week, another member of the family might be responsible for the cooking and I can enjoy meals new to me, or different from how I would make them, and be inspired and nourished at the same time.

Or if I am responsible for the garden this month, it is up to me to water and prune, harvest and process whatever the garden yields this particular month. In those months in which the harvest is plentiful, we might be sharing this responsibility with two or three members, while I can very well take care of the garden by myself in the early months of the gardening season, when pulling weeds, watering and staking are the activities necessary.

You see, responsibilities may very well change, especially when it comes to those things everyone seems to like, or dislike, so that joys and burdens are shared equally. And while I am busy working away in one particular area, I can be creative and use my imagination and skills to the best of my ability and the good of all. If someone has a suggestion on how I am doing things, suggestions are welcome, of course, as is advice and help, but the responsibility is on me, and so is the ultimate decision on how I am doing things this week, this month, this season.

This does not mean that everybody does as he or she pleases and when the responsibilities change, it is difficult for another member of the family to take over, no. Of course we have a general understanding of how things are done - weeds are not to take over the garden, dishes are to be done after meals, for example - but the micromanagement is up to me in my particular area of responsibility. This way we avoid discussions or even tenseness about the small things of everyday life, and ensure that the household resembles a well-oiled machine at all times.

On being a Contentious Woman

Having strong, educated opinions about significant things is good, and is a valuable asset to the family, but to be bull headed about trivial matters is simply selfishness and contention... Any mature individual should be able to discern the difference. There is a line (that's not so fine) between strong opinion and contention. Don't mistake one for the other.

Remember Proverbs 27:15-16.

Opposition

Let me say a word or two about where the opposition to biblical polygyny comes from.

It might or might not surprise you, but I have never met anyone quite as rabidly opposed polygyny as so-called "good Christians". To the majority of modern day Christianity, polygyny is simply wrong, and they are as ashamed of the biblical accounts of polygyny as they are of the mentioning of slaves or concubines. Not understanding any of the three mentioned examples because they approach polygyny, slavery and concubienage with modern day definitions and the attitude historical Christianity has towards these issues, they feel comfortable judging Abraham, King David and others for "sins" God never judged them for, and have no problem relying on the majority agument ("if more people thought like you do, you would be more convincing", "after all, we all know polygyny is wrong", and similar phrases) instead of relying on Scripture to shape their theology.

The more ecclectic the Christans we talked to were, the less issues they seemed to have with polygyny, not for biblical, but for humanistic reasons. Since they did not rely on the Scriptures as their only standard, they felt comfortable not to condemn polygamy because they themselves did not want to be condemned for, for example, blending their traditional pagan believes with Christianity. So the further away people we met were from God's word, the easier it was for them to accept polygyny.

For us, this basically means that real brethren are few and far between. So if you are inclined towards believing God and relying on His word for all of life, and openly advocate biblical plural marriage, brace yourself for opposition from the Christian community, but rest assured, they only have so many arguments from the bible that they use out of context or have to reinterpret in order to make the Scriptures say what they wish it to say. God will not be mocked, though, and whoever is ashamed of God's word, of him God will be ashamed too.

Polygyny Only for the Brainwashed ?

Over the years I have talked to many married women who all told me basically the same thing, using different words: That they were yearning for female companionship inside their marriage, for sister wives with whom to share the joy and the work and the inevitable burdens too. They told me it was getting "female-lonely" where they lived, they had no like minded people around, nobody to talk to from woman to woman, especially if the children were still small. All these women had another thing in common: Their husbands were all very reluctant concerning polygyny, not all that eager to look for another wife at all.

I find this to be interesting for two reasons:
1. Quite obviously, you don't have to be brain washed by some cult to see the benefits and joys of having sister wives.

2. It's is not always the poor woman that is dragged into something she never wanted. In our society, polygyny seems to appeal more to women than it does to men.

Think about it, and about your prejudices... Polygyny is not about men who are so lust driven that they cannot make do with one wife only. If that was the case, they could go to the whore house and save a lot of money in the long run, rather than taking responsibility for another wife. No, polygyny is about building godly families, if the family lives by God's Law Word and their motives are grounded firmly in Scripture.

The Holiness Principle

"Be holy, for I am holy", God says in Leviticus, and Peter repeats it in his first letter. Be holy, for I am holy. Now, what does that mean, "be holy" ?

If you look at the respective Hebrew and Greek words for "holy", you will find that the concept expressed is that of separation. Being holy means to be set apart for God, basically.

How can we be holy nowadays, then, how can we set ourselves apart and consecrate ourselves for God ? We have to separate ourselves from everything that is ungodly, secular, abominable to the Lord. In today's world, this means we have to separate ourselves from society as the world we live in is largely ungodly, even within the church community we find more abominations and lawlessness than not. But the spirit does not enter into an unclean vessel, and we have to stir clear of those who work iniquity, if we want to follow God's statutes and be holy, as He is holy.

Of course this has something to do with polygamy too - How can you best be separate from society ? If you have a large family, or a community of brethren to rely on, that's how. And the more wives your husband has, and the more children you all have, the better are the chances that you will be truly independent of society's services. Don't despair if it does not happen in your lifetime, though. Abraham believed God when He promised to make Abraham's offspring as numerous as the stars, even if Abraham didn't even have a son at that point and was well beyond the age in which men usually father children. Yet he believed the Lord, and it was counted him as righteousness, so let us follow Abraham's and Sarah's example, believe God, think bigger, and develop a multi-generational vision, especially in troubled times as these.

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

Recently I received a letter from a distant family member, updating us on how everybody is doing. The predominant word in her letter was "job". She told us about her job and that of her husband, about her children's jobs and their respective spouses' jobs, stating that they were all reasonably happy with their jobs although they all spent a lot of time on their jobs and also complained about their jobs from time to time. Not a word about children among the newly weds of the family, and hardly anything about anything else anyone is doing. Needless to say that all of them are working outside the home, not one home maker among the lot.

So here is why I am telling you all this:
Have you ever considered that working outside the home is slavery, or at best, indentured servitude ? And for a married woman, it means that she puts herself under the authority of people other than her husband, most times under the authority of another man, their employer.

Have you ever considered that the economic activities of a diligent home maker easily equal the amout of money many women earn in their jobs outside the home ? So while many women go out to earn the money that allows them to buy convenience food that is unhealthy and doesn't taste as good as home made cooking, while they are out there earning the money to buy produce they don't grow, clothing they don't sew, and pay a handyman for all the small repairs nobody has time to do around the house, to name but a few examples, the home maker runs her house neatly and nicely like a well oiled machine and sees to it that her husband has no need of spoil, and that her family is happy and healthy, that her children are well cared for and well educated.

Now, think again, and imagine not one woman running the house, but several women running their common husband's house - can you imagine how much work you can get done without getting all stressed out ? How much food you can grow ? How many children you can raise and hoem school ? How much clothign you can sew ? How many cans of beans you can can, and pies you can bake, and bars of soap you can make, etc etc etc ... I could go on forever !

Well, I prefer this life in the multi-generational, polygynous family over the rat race so many people deliberately involve themselves in every day... What is your opinion on the matter, esteemed reader of this post ?

Protection in Bad Times

Another thing I mentioned in my list the other day was that, in a polygynous family, you would be protected in bad times.

Now, if you look out the window - and I don't mean literally just yet, although things might very well turn bad enough that literally looking out the window will show you just how bad things have got - you can see that the economy is all but collapsed, people are losing their jobs, businesses are closing... Soon we will see once respectable citizens digging through other people's garbage cans for food, and that will be the least dangerous sight on our streets.

Would it not be comfortable to know, then, that even in times like this, you are living in a community that is both strong and healthy enough to protect all its members from bad influences in any form or fashion ? And that this community you are living in is held together by the strongest bond imaginable - blood ? This community is your family, if you are living in a multi-generational and polygynous family.... Think about it !, and leave a comment if you so desire.

10 Reasons for Polygyny

Dear Sister-to-Be,

I was thinking it might be fun to list 10 reasons why living in a polygynous family is a great idea. There are many many more reasons than just 10, but I think a list of 10 is a good thing for a start. I am not listing things in a particular order, just as they come to mind:

1. You are living in a big family with your best friends always around, and a lot of support for your life style from other adults.
2. You have a lot of children around, your own and those of your sister wives.
3. The work in house and garden is distributed evenly amongst the adults of the family.
4. You, as a part of the family, can live self sufficiently on the family's own land, and so can your children.
5. You are well protected in bad times, and in good company at all times.
6. You can home school your children together with other children of the household.
7. You will not have to go to a nursery home when you are old, but will be well cared for all the days of your life.
8. You can eat wholesome food that the family grew itself.
9. You can stay home with your children and don't have to sell yourself to an employer.
10. Your children have plenty of other children to grow up with, who are all raised according to the same standard.

Questions, comments ? Please do to hesitate to say what you have to say.